Could I possibly have Borderline Personality Disorder?

My father passed away when I was 13 or 12 I can't remember he was a meth head and alcoholic and I found him he had a heart attack and was laying there my mom started just grinning and I started grinning then I couldn't find the phone and then my brothers friend let us use his cell phone and they revived him and took him to the E.R. I took money out of his wallet I don't know why I did that what the hell is wrong with me then the paramedic left his walky talky thing and said "sorry your father didn't make it" I was so depressed and praying I'm so sorry daddy for being mean to him before he died and I was also starting to get OCD and depression at a young age before he had cancer and I barricaded myself in my room my mom didn't care if I went to school when my father passed away she left me home alone all the time I was all alone she wouldn't answer the phone when I tryed to call her and talk to her I would trash her room egg her room and write "whore" on her door because I was so upset she left me all alone and was drunk all the time and gave me pot and booze all the time and my older brother then hit me when I told him to mind his business I kept yelling help at like age 14 out the window but they took ME to a foster home and didn't arrest him for hitting me and smacking my head into the wall I was gone for 6 months and I stayed with my aunt for a few months but she didn't even want me just because I took too long of showers I find it really hard now that I am 22 and I am gonna be 23 in October to hold relationships and friendships I grin and bear it I think everyone hates me and I am so angry my dad is gone and I wished death on him and that my mom let me do drugs and left me all alone I have a car and try so hard to have relationships but I get angry and think everyone is out to get me and that people are talking about me ever since I was younger too and I tryed to kill myself with pills a few weeks ago and I always been a cutter I don't know if I subconciously did it for attention I feel so screwed up I am prescribed Luvox 150mg but I don't take them and I can't afford my Zyprexa I am prescribed Klonopins 0.5mg but they seem to make me kind of "hype" I self medicate with alcohol but I don't drink everyday people seem to like me and I am a very nice person but I keep thinking about killing myself and shooting myself behind my garage all I do is worry and that God is going to punish me with a illness and I am going to die or someones going to kill me and I feel so empty and alone and no one understands me I try to keep it to myself I tell my new boyfriend about it but I am sure he is going to get annoyed by it eventually I don't know what to do anymore I have been to the psychward like 20 times through out my life then my mom would give me 20 sacks of pot when I would get out of the Children's Hospital Psychiatric Ward I don't smoke pot no more I take my Klonopins and I will take Valiums if possible and drink at partys I try to so hard to please everyone but I don't feel like I am doing it really for myself and my mom niece used to tell me I look like I have dyke features and I sometimes think I am really good looking then sometimes I think I am ugly and I am disgusted with myself and can't let my mistakes go and just learn from them I feel I am going to burn in hell or that I am in hell and I scare myself before I fall asleep in the REM state I think "I wonder if there is a heaven.." then I jerk out of my sleep and I am frightened and am scared of riots in 2012 what the hell is wrong with me!? I see a psychiatrist but I don't know I can't think when I am in the room with him HELP ME PLEASE THANK YOU I NEED ADVICE.