Sunday, July 17, 2011

Elderly friend says I am all he has to look forward to, his only reason for living,too much pressure! Help?

I have known him for 7 years. We have lunch once a week and that day when I visit, I bring him some prepared dinners to put in his freezer, do a few household tasks that drain his energy & help him run a few errands if needed. I really do or did enjoy his company, but he is becoming increasingly clingy. He says without me he would have no reason to go on. He calls me every night. If I do not answer he leaves a message saying he will call back in 15 minutes, if I don't answer then, he leaves another message saying he'll call back in another 15 minutes-EVERY night. I have told him he needs to get a hobby, join a club, go to church, talk to neighbors or find some way to make more friends, but he insists he is happy just having me. I told him his reason for living should be the joy of life itself, not hinged upon another person. I told him I enjoy his company, but I also like my space. Recently we went out to Sizzler. He sliced off a very large piece of steak and stuffed it in his mouth. A few months ago he did this and it caused an esophageal spasm (looks like choking or a heart attack, but not life threatening) which involved paramedics & disruption of the other diners. The doctor strictly forbade him from eating steak again, but there he was at Sizzler, smirking & saying he was a grown man. I told him the piece was far too big & he said "yes mommy" in a sarcastic tone. Well guess what? Spasm, scene, ambulance ride, overnight in the hospital to remove the food. When I picked him up the next morning he said "you really do care about me don't you? This has made our bond stronger hasn't it"? I felt sickened & enraged at that statement and told him "No, you knowingly risking your health does not make me feel closer to you, that would be sick & twisted". It's as if he did it on purpose for extra attention. Now, I feel nauseous just thinking about being around him, I cringe when the phone rings and I feel trapped. I do not want to hurt him. If I stop coming around, he'll probably opt to shrivel up and die, which would be his choice, but I would still feel guilty for breaking his lonely little old man heart. I want him to be happy, I do care, but he is not emotionally healthy for me. Can anyone suggest a middle ground? A win-win? Thanks

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